In the Wake of the 2020 Election

After another tumultuous election season, and torturous election week, we have elected Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as our next President and Vice President of the United States.  Saturday felt like one of those days that will be emblazoned in my memory because of its historical import.  I will remember that I was just sitting down to breakfast with my family when friends texted the news, with images of Joe Biden on huge TV screens.   I will remember watching Van Jones break down on the CNN news desk, channeling what so many of us were feeling in that moment, the relief and joy, the ability to breathe again, to say to our children that truth and decency and character matter, that everyone belongs in our America.  I remember hearing cars honking, going out into the streets to join friends and neighbors in celebratory toasts.  I remember loading up as a family to go share the excitement with dear friends.

Perhaps the image that will stick with me the longest is from Saturday night.  Most of our neighbors - gay and straight, black and white, were all gathered together in one backyard.  Our kids ran around together, screaming with glee as we shot off fireworks.  And then we turned our attention to the TV screen as Kamala Harris and Joe Biden took the stage.  After complaining all day that he would have to watch the speeches instead of a movie, Theo was sitting inches from the screen, quiet as a mouse, taking it all in.  And across from him, sat our neighbors’ beautiful daughter, watching someone who looks just like her say, “What a testament it is to Joe’s character that he had the audacity to break one of the most substantial barriers that exists in our country and select a woman as his vice president.  But while I may be the first woman in this office, I won’t be the last.  Because every little girl watching tonight sees that this is a country of possibilities.  And to the children of our country, regardless of your gender, our country has sent you a clear message:  Dream with ambition, lead with conviction, and see yourself in a way that others might not see you, simply because they’ve never seen it before.”  Theo looked across at Maya looking at Kamala and I felt hope rise again.

I realized it was the first time in four years I’ve sat with Theo to watch our President-elect or President.  To trust that he would not be assaulted or confused by the words coming out of our President’s mouth.  I felt such an immense relief, and joy, and restored hope for the kind of America I want for our sons and our neighbors’ daughters, one that values all of us, where we all have an opportunity to flourish.

After feeling so much bewilderment, heartbreak, rage, and fear over the last four years, it felt to me and many in my circles like a liberation, like a huge weight lifting, a dark cloud passing, a new page being turned in American history.  And we gave ourselves over to the joy and celebration.

But we know, of course we know, that so many Americans are not feeling the same way, not seeing this election in the same light.  Every joyous occasion and conversation I’ve engaged has been tempered by the awareness that we are as divided as ever, by fear of the tinderbox of explosive hostilities that have been building for years, by the pain of those divisions in our own families, faith communities and nations.  There are layers upon layers of hurt on all sides.  I know that many of you dear readers, may be feeling the polar opposite of the joy and relief I have just described.

I couldn’t help but think of the anguish I felt four years ago.  I re-read the post I first wrote then to get a sense of where I was.  I was in so much pain.  I didn’t want to get out of bed.  I cried in public.  I had trouble focusing.  I raged about the foreign interference, the lies, the voter suppression, the electoral college vs popular vote.  I desperately hoped and prayed there was some glitch to change the results.  I was so scared that our democracy would fall apart, be the end of us all.  It took me weeks and months to work through my raw grief . . the shock, anger, denial, and bargaining, before I came to accept Trump had won the election, as much as I hated that reality.

I remember a whole range of things people said to me:  

            Now you know how we felt when Obama was elected.

            No matter who is President, Christ is still King.

            Suck it, you libtard!

            “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.” Romans 13:1

            Poor little snowflake, needing “safe space” to cry.

True or not, well-intentioned or not, most just felt like salt in the wound.  Like a complete failure of empathy, to honor another human being in her pain.

I hope those of who are celebrating can do better by those who are now struggling.   I am under no pretense that acceptance of the results or healing of the pain will come quickly or easily. I imagine what hurting folks need right now more than anything is time and space to work through all those stages of grief to come to a place of acceptance.

I’ll admit, it’s hard to know what to say.  But I'll start with what I would have liked to have heard: I see you. I hear you. I'm sorry you're hurting. I hope you have safe places, and comforting shoulders for your pain.  I don’t believe you have to suck it up, put on face, say God is in control.  But I do believe God is so close when we’re in pain, holding us and healing us in our disappointment and grief.  So I pray that you may feel that in your bones in these difficult days.   Be excessively gentle with yourself.

I continue to hope, as I have hoped for the past four years, that we will find a way beyond our painful differences and separations.  I am grateful that our President-elect, Joe Biden, is a man well-acquainted with loss and grief, a public servant with a history of reaching across divides, a leader who has turned his pain into purpose, a person of faith who believes in healing and redemption for our dear nation.  I am grateful that in his tone and rhetoric, he is signaling that he wants to at least try to bring more unity and empathy.

I pray in time, whether we have to work through our grief, our hostility, our resentment, our fear, whatever, we may follow his lead.  May we listen to the pain and the fear underneath all the aggression on all sides.  May we extend mercy and grace, whenever and however we can.

God heal us.  Bring us through.   

Grace and Peace be with you,

Kimberly