Urgent AND Slow

In continued conversations about racism in America, I've been feeling this tension. Like many of you, I experienced the recent killings as another urgent wake up call. I engaged conversations, ordered books, posted on social media, downloaded podcasts, made signs, wrote, donated money, and have stayed almost feverishly with the question, What is mine to do? I don't know that we can ever get ego completely out of the picture such that our motivations are 100% pure with no element of wanting to prove something, or to be seen in this or that way. But for the most part, I feel like the surge of activity comes out of a genuine horror at the continued injustice against black and brown bodies, and a desire for dramatic change in our nation. I feel the urgency of this moment, like we are making history right now. The justice and equality sought is, of course, long overdue. But this feels like a watershed moment, a palpable shift in our collective consciousness around race in this country.

At the same time, I am overwhelmed and exhausted. Mentally invigorated by all I'm reading and learning, I can't settle at night. I have long restless periods. My distress and agitation spills over into my interactions with Michael and the boys. Often, when I'm with them, I'm either trying to read or listen to something, or just lost in thought about it all. Deeply convicted that I need to be raising my sons to be more race conscious and anti-racist, I'm ordering new children's books and BLM shirts, we're making signs, talking about and participating in peaceful protests. I am aware and have heard others express that we feel so behind when it comes to race consciousness, it can feel like a mad dash to catch up. As inspired and energized as I feel, I also know this pace of study and activity is not sustainable. The irony is not lost on me to be training in non-violence, while flipping my biscuits with those who share my household. 

Obviously, there is no quick fix. Not for the racism embedded in our structures and policies, nor the racism in our hearts and minds. Over three hundred years of white supremacy in our nation is not going be reversed in one poignant Summer. As for human hearts, I do believe people can experience immediate conversions. But I am more inclined to believe in what Pierre Teilhard de Jardin calls the "slow work of God" (which interestingly resurfaced this week in a newsletter I receive) whereby God graciously and patiently transforms us over a lifetime. This is, of course, how most living things grow and change. But we are an impatient lot! We do not want to wait. We want to be healed and transformed NOW, yesterday preferably.

So there's the tension. The urgency of this moment in our history. The belief and trust in the long slow work of God. Both feel radically true, but somewhat at odds each other.

But maybe this is one of those spiritual paradoxes. Maybe the urgency does call us to wake up, open our eyes, unplug our ears, and get in the anti-racism fight right this very moment. Maybe there is an immediate conversion that IS happening when once we see and hear truth, we cannot ever unsee or unhear it. Perhaps we're being urgently called to jump in a race that has been going on for centuries, and will continue until this race is won.

But then once we're in the fight, moving with the sweep of anti-racism activists and advocates, we realize this is not a sprint but a marathon, a life-long pursuit of justice and equality. It will not serve the cause for us to collapse after a mad dash. It will not serve for us to become fatigued and head back to the sidelines. No, we need to stay in the race for the long haul. We need to keep learning and listening and growing at a pace our hearts and minds, our bodies and souls, can hold and integrate. We need to find our own pace for running this race, trusting that as long as we keep putting one foot in front of another, taking one step as a time, our Beloved Friend will keep healing and transforming our hearts and minds. The One who begins a good work in us does bring it to completion.

We can indeed trust the long, slow work of God in us and in our world. AND this moment calls for an urgent response. May we not delay in saying YES, joining the throngs of souls marching toward freedom. And may we care for ourselves and one another along the way, breathing, praying, drinking down cups of cold water, and pacing ourselves, so that we do not lose heart or burn out.