Divine Ambush

And when several weeks later Jesus tore himself from the midst of His disciples, ascended, and was dissolved in light, it was no final departure. Already He was lying in ambush at the turn of the road which went from Jerusalem to Damascus, watching for Saul, His beloved persecutor. Thenceforth, in the destiny of every person there was to be this God who lies in wait.

~François Mauriac, Life of Jesus (1936)

We may recall the conversion of Saul. How, zealous for the particularities of his own religious tradition, he persecuted the early followers of the Way. How he was a silent, approving witness as the apostle Stephen was stoned to death for speaking truth to power. How he was "ravaging" the early church, rounding up followers and throwing them in prison. And then, then as he was on his way for another persecution mission "breathing threats and murder against the disciples," a light from heaven struck him blind on the road to Damascus.   A Voice called him to account, saying, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? I am Jesus who you are persecuting." After three days in the dark, God restored his sight, Saul transformed into Paul, and he became zealous to bring the good news to all, particularly those outside the bounds of his tradition. (Acts 7:54-8:3, 9:1-19)

We may have trouble seeing ourselves in Saul. Maybe we're tempted to distance ourselves by calling him a "bad apple". We may be more likely to compare him to a radicalized terrorist, a hooded klansman, an extremist with a semi-automatic weapon, zealous to preserve the purity of their own kind, advance their own hate-driven cleansing.

But I'm particularly struck by the image of Saul standing by at Stephen's lynching, not doing the actual dirty work, but approving of it all the same. I wonder if we've ever secretly or explicitly wished for a purely white or Christian or straight America, a return to the way things were. Have we ever stood by or turned a blind eye as black brothers or immigrant families, Muslim sisters or queer children were insulted, persecuted, shut out or locked up? Have we ever wanted to silence others for claiming the good news, proclaiming truth to power, that they too are beloved and equal in the eyes of God? Have we ever been so righteous, we thought, "To hell with those who don't look or act or believe like we do."

God lies in wait for us all.

God was lying in ambush for me at the corner of Ponce and Commerce. Here I was, fresh from college, fervent in my evangelical faith. I knew, I just knew, God had called me to this youth director position at a local United Methodist Church. Why? Because an openly gay man had also been hired as my co-leader, and I knew God was going to use me as an instrument to literally set him straight.

I was half right. God did indeed call me to that position. But I was the beloved persecutor needing conversion. Through the patient, loving and open relationship that grew between my colleague and me, God called me to account, showed me how my "righteous" condemnation actually wounded the heart of God. It took me more than three days in the dark, but I emerged from that encounter with new vision and a new mission, not to mention one of my very dearest friends in life.

Maybe the light comes from a dear relationship, a book we read, a news story that keeps playing in our minds, a movie that moves us to tears, a sermon that convicts us, a conversation or encounter. Maybe God stalks our dreams. But somehow, in some overwhelming moment or a hundred small flashes, this truth penetrates us--that when we dehumanize and demonize others, when we treat them as second-class citizens, when we see ourselves as better than them, as the preferred norm, when we stand by as they are insulted and mistreated, cast out and beaten down, we are persecuting God. Mercifully, the Lord stops us in our tracks, and reveals to us how our too small hearts and minds, and our righteous agendas and condemnations, actually bind God's boundless compassion. And whether it takes three days or three years in the dark, we are given new eyes to see, hearts and minds that can stretch and stretch for miles, and a mission to share this limitless love across all the lines we had previously drawn.

We take it as a foregone conclusion that Saul was converted to Paul, becoming one of the most fruitful disciples in the early church. We reason, Of course, if you're struck blind on the road and you hear God's voice from heaven, you're going to listen and obey. But I believe he could have just as easily written it off as an aberration, a figment of his imagination, kept on trucking in his righteous mission. Denial is such a strong force to keep us stuck in comfortable ways. And so I wonder if God is lying in wait for us in a thousand different hiding places, and what it is that helps us finally stop and hear.

From one beloved persecutor to another, I wonder, where is God waiting in ambush for you, and for me? I pray we have the grace to be stopped in our tracks, shown the light and set on an entirely new mission.