Savoring by Subtracting

It happened again. As part of the New Years Sacred Pause Retreat we were enjoying a silent meal together. The nine of us were spaced between two tables, with a palpable awareness of these beloveds sharing this quiet, gently glowing space. I heard the delightful sounds of chairs pulling up, silverware clinking plates, water filling glasses. I noticed the different textures, colors and flavors of my own plate, relieved and grateful it was delicious too.

With the experience and two of the recipes coming from Green Bough, I couldn’t help but remember my first silent meal there over twenty years ago. I remembered pushing through my discomfort of sitting elbow to elbow without speaking a word to one another. The breeze through the window gently blowing the lacey curtains. The curiously small pottery plates. The photographs and cards surrounding the old family table, reminding us of the beloved community that calls this place home. Piling my small plate full of beautiful, colorful, delicious food prepared with such love, then struggling to eat it all.

That silent meal and small plate changed my whole life. In the silence, I realized that plate was my life. I was accustomed to piling on and plowing through, mindlessly consuming my days, moments, and encounters, without really tasting them, certainly not savoring them. How often was my body present once place, whether in a kitchen chair, on a hiking trail, or in a wooden pew, but my mind was somewhere else completely? When I was honest, I valued my days and myself in terms of my productivity, not presence. There was no way I could “taste and see the Lord is good” as the psalmist commends (Psalm 34:8), because I was far too busy producing and consuming.

I’ve been trying to slow down, simplify, be present, taste and savor my life ever since. Of course, it sounds so inviting, so simple. But it is not easy. It is completely counter-cultural. A still, small voice in us whispers, Less is More, but easily gets drowned out by our consumer capitalist culture pounding, More is always Better. Do more, buy more, go bigger, go further, go viral. Not only do we have to turn down all those voices, inside and out, but we have to discern and make really hard choices. To use the plate metaphor, we have to say NO to a lot of potentially delicious food - things, activities, even relationships, to say YES to really tasting and savoring the few we choose to put on our plate.

As I read back my journal at Sunday’s retreat, an opportunity to taste again the year that has passed and receive more nourishment from it, I could see that I am STILL, after all these years, prone to overdoing--overthinking, overplanning, overscheduling, overefforting. Old habits die hard. I still make these impossible daily and monthly To Do lists. The good news is that I am not enslaved to them in the same way. I do live or die by how much I get checked off the lists. I hold them more lightly, knowing full well that I will not get to everything on the list, or I will, but it will take me 2-5 times longer than I think. IF I want to actually be present to and enjoy the work and people involved.

I also believe that as hard as it, simplifying is worth it. I feel most joyful and peaceful, and also most loving and purposeful when I have time and space for prayer and meditation, for authentic, depth relationships, for quiet pleasures, and for creative, meaningful work. By the world’s standards, it may not compute, but learning to truly savor and offer this one precious life I’ve been given is worth it. It feels like the pearl of great price to me. (Matthew 13:45-46)

It’s also got me thinking in this new year, what else can I let go or subtract? Where do I spend precious time and attention on things that aren’t that important, don’t bring joy or life or meaning for myself or others? With the constant interruptions of our phones and computers, it is so easy to lose our focus, fritter our time away. Or the even harder discernment, what good things may I also need to let go of, to truly focus on the few essential things? I think of the wisdom of the Domenican mystic, Meister Eckhart, “God is not found in the soul by adding anything, but by a process of subtraction.”

As we continue wading into the new year, I wonder, what might you need to subtract from your life, in order to live more fully and deeply, to taste and see that your life, and the God in the center of your soul, is good indeed?

Simply,

Kimberly